Hello world!
Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start writing!
Misguided Power
If the child is being defiant, argumentative, screams “no”, ignores you, or flat out does the opposite of what you’ve asked, the kid can be operating under the mistaken goal of Misguided Power.
When you’re dealing with the belief “I belong when I am the boss, or at least not letting you tell me what to do” you can feel pissed off! You will know that you’re dealing with a power struggle when you are experiencing feelings of anger, feeling challenged, threatened or defeated.
- Belief “I'm not important if I'm being bossed around”
- Coded message: “Let me help.” “Give me choices”.
- Redirect to a positive use of power by asking for help.
- Don’t fight, don’t give in, remain kind and firm.
F.A.Q.s
First, if you catch yourself thinking “you’re not going to get away with this!” let the child know you are taking a step away from the conversation to calm down. Then use a tactic above like Acknowledging that you can’t make Timmy put his shoes on and Redirect “can you help me look in my purse for my keys so that I can get the car warming up?” Or try being Kind and Firm by saying something like “If your shoes aren’t on by the time the car is warmed up I will turn it off and we will stay home.”
I understand this sounds like a lot of work and time but in reality the more you do it the less you will have to, put in the work upfront and save yourself later troubles.
– “When chores are done, I will drive you to your friend’s house”.
– “When the table is set I will serve dinner”.
– “I will only wash clothes that make it into the hamper”.
– “I will bring out the bubbles when you’ve put the chalk away”.
Create Your Ideal Family Dynamics with Me
In 6 weeks we will explore daily problems and turn from struggle cycles to growth and problem solving. These classes will help you process thoughts, feelings and emotions in an effort to shift perspectives from punishment to discipline.
From our blog